THE KCFI GUIDE TO BEING HANDY AROUND THE HOUSE
• If you can’t find a screwdriver, use a knife. If you break off the tip, it’s an improved screwdriver.
• Despite what you may have been told by your mother, praying and cursing are both helpful in home repair — but only if you are working alone.
• Work in the kitchen whenever you can. That way you’re close to the refrigerator.
• If it’s electronic, get a new one, or consult a twelve-year-old.
• If it looks old and worn out, paint it.
• Always take credit for miracles. If you dropped the toaster while taking it apart and it suddenly starts working, you have healed it.
• If something looks level, it is level.
• And finally, if at first you don’t succeed, redefine success.
AMERICA MEANS CHEAP BEER _ Think your local tavern charges too much for a pint of beer? Think again. Americans have the cheapest beer on Earth. International bank UBS gathered data about the median wages and average retail prices of a pint beer in 150 countries. That data was compiled to figure out how many minutes of work it takes the average worker of a country to earn enough money to buy a beer. India tops the least, with the median worker having to work nearly an hour to afford a pint thanks to extremely low wages. In the U.S. however, where wages are relatively high and the cost of the average beer is quite low, it takes the median worker about five minutes of labor to afford a retail pint. That’s the shortest amount of time in the world.
JOKE OF THE DAY _ The big boss at a company was complaining in the staff meeting that he wasn’t getting any respect. The next day, he brought a small sign that read: “I’M THE BOSS!” He then taped it to his office door. Later that day when he returned from lunch, he found that someone had taped a note to the sign that said: “Your wife called, and she wants her sign back.”
