ASSAULT WITH… _ The year isn’t over but I thought it would be fun to re-share some of more interesting stories of 2025 of people assaulting other people with random food and objects.
• A woman in the UK was arrested after she allegedly went on a deli-meat rampage. Police say the woman assaulted her ex-boyfriend with a salami. The woman went to the home of one of her ex’s female friends in the early hours of the morning and began hitting her ex-boyfriend with a two-foot salami she brought with her.
• A man from Midland, Ontario, found himself in hot water after being arrested for causing damage in a motel room. The incident occurred when the man was served a breakfast sandwich while in custody. According to the Ontario Provincial Police, as an officer entered the cell to speak with the accused, the sandwich was unexpectedly launched at them. The exact type of breakfast sandwich involved was not specified.
• Police in Chambersburg, Pennsylvania, are on the hunt for a suspect accused of breaking into an apartment and assaulting the victim. Reports indicate that three individuals forced their way into the residence, attacking the victim by punching him and hitting him with a frying pan.
• A driver in the UK suffered a broken nose after a frozen sausage was thrown through an open window of his car. After the sausage assault, the man managed to stop his car without hitting anyone else.
• A man in Germany was arrested after he allegedly punched his older brother for eating three burgers and not saving one for him.
• In Germany a man called police after he was hit over the head with a can of beans by his mom. Apparently the two were arguing over her cooking skills. The man had grown tired of mom’s meal menu. When he griped, she hit him with the beans.
SIGNS YOU’VE EATEN TOO MUCH AT THANKSGIVING DINNER _ Here’s how you know you had too much.
• The doctor tells you your weight would be perfect for a man 17 feet tall.
• You are responsible for a slight but measurable shift in the earth’s axis.
• You decide to take a little nap and wake up in mid-July.
• Every escalator you step on immediately grinds to a halt.
• You realize that’s not sweat coming out of your pores — it’s gravy.
SUPERHERO POWER MOST PARENTS WISH THEY COULD HAVE _ In a survey of moms and dads nine in ten wish they had a superhero power to help with the trials and tribulations of raising children. The top ten:
- Invisibility
- Flying
- Time travel
- Teleportation
- Super strength
- Super healing abilities
- Telepathy
- Super speed
- Talking to animals
- Super intelligence
