HOW TO KEEP THE BURGER JUICIER ON THE BUN _ We’ve always been advocates of keeping your burgers juicy, but sometimes that can make for quite a messy and hard-to-eat meal. Just in time for back yard barbecue season, here’s one trick to keeping your burger’s bun intact and easy to eat. A good idea when you’re building your burger is to put a layer of lettuce on top and on the bottom of the patty to extend the lifespan of the bun. [Humans have spent centuries perfecting the grill and the grind only to realize our greatest enemy is a damp piece of bread. We are a species capable of splitting the atom but still fundamentally defeated by meat juice.]
SPEAKERPHONE STORIES _
• I was in the hotel lobby of a decent hotel eating breakfast and this older man had his conversation with a woman friend on speaker. Everyone in the entire lobby heard her personal story of how she was having trouble finding a job and sleeping on couches, among other struggles. I finished my breakfast and walked over and said, “Ma’am, do you know your friend has you on speaker and you are sharing your life and personal information with a room full of complete strangers?” The man proceeded to tell me to shut up, called me a b, a Karen and a communist to which I replied that I’m a woman looking out for another woman.
• A few years ago I was in the water and seltzer aisle at the grocery. This was peak “supply chain issues” days, so there was not a can of seltzer to be found in the entire store. A man was on the phone with his wife (I assume) and she was asking, “Do they have X brand? What about Y?” So I walked by and said loudly, “Ma’am there is not a can of seltzer to be had, they’re fresh out.”
• A few years ago, I was walking around the grocery store, and this woman was on the phone, talking very loudly on speakerphone to her friend about their mutual friend “Lori” and her hysterectomy. Like gross graphic detail stuff. You could hear it the next aisle over. I made sure to walk down that aisle, look her straight in the eye, and say, “I’ll be sure to let Lori know that you’re telling everyone about her surgical procedure and personal business.” She abandoned her cart and left the store.
YOUR CAR IS FILTHY _ Here’s something to chew on the next time you’re chowing down while behind the steering wheel. You’re eating in a spot that’s roughly nine times dirtier than a public toilet seat. That’s what microbiologists (Queen Mary University of London) found. On average, they found that steering wheels, driver’s seat floors, rear seats and gear shift levers contained an average of 700 bacteria per 10 square centimeters. The worst area: The car’s trunk/cargo area with 1,000 per 10 square centimeters. The reason our cars have become such bacterial breeding grounds is fairly obvious: Driver neglect. According to the study, 37 percent of drivers said they couldn’t be bothered with cleaning their cars.
